i hate you emo burgs.
i hate your conscience. i hate your feelings. your unconditional loyalty. your inability to just "let go".
i wish you were more like the T2000 (you know, terminator 2). unable to feel. unable to shed a tear. willing to move on and not look back.
but thats how you roll, emo burgs. i wish you could change who you are. i really do.
it would make things easier. a whole lot easier.
"Every person who's changed the world or built an empire has sat where you're sitting now". - up in the air
i realize that i am a big loser. i have lost a countless number of times.
and my goal this year? to lose more than i have ever lost before.
how does that even make sense? well it is because i believe that the most successful people are those that really go for it. and well when you really go for it, things aren't always going to go your way.
yeah you could "play it safe" or "play it close to the vest" but how much are you really challenging yourself? how much are you truly growing? because i always believe that to truly grow, you'll have to step out of that comfort zone.
i've lost a million times. when it comes to relationships, running, work, school, basketball, etc.
"If I had to select one quality, one personal characteristic that I regard as being most highly correlated with success, whatever the field, I would pick the trait of persistence. Determination. The will to endure to the end, to get knocked down seventy times and get up off the floor saying, "Here comes number seventy-one!" - Richard M. DeVos
its why i tell people my favorite athlete is peyton manning. because he lost MANY times before he finally won. and he admitted each time he lost, that he gave it his all. all too many times, when we lose, we give an excuse why we lose. or we don't try 100% so IF we lose, we have an excuse to why we lost (again, the 4th barrier that coelho discusses).
"Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen. - Conan O'Brien
time to work really hard and be persistent, even when (not if) things don't always go my way. because noone wants to live a life of regret. and we don't get do-overs.
ok i don't really do resolutions per se. but i do goals. here are my goals for 2010.
1) jump rope better
2) swim better
3) karaoke better
4) never eat junk food when i'm by myself
5) stop trying to analyze absolutely everything and just "go with it"
6) speak tagalog better
7) smile more
8) reconnect with friends who i have lost touch with
9) step outside of my comfort zone more
10) accept what i can't change, and having the balls to change what i can.
something that my boy c-lo posted online:
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11
word. 2010.
its 3:55 am now. i have been awake since about 2am. telling myself, "but it's 6:55 pm in the philippines" is little consolation right now. i just wish i could sleep.
i'm not a big tv guy. truth be told, in my apartment, i have an old tv but i have no cable. if i want to watch something like a football game or the lakers, i'll head over to my folks.
anyways in ny, during downtime at the hotel room i caught some shows for the first time.
jersey shore of course is what everyone is talking bout. situps + salads + steroids = six pack=situation? yeah i'm a math guy so that makes sense to me.
also was watching for the love of ray j for the first time. i realize this isn't a new show. but i realized if i was on a dating show like this, i would be horrible. i would probably be kicked off the first day.
i don't think i'm a great first impressions guy. which sucks obviously b/c you only have that one chance to make a first impression. i think part of it is i'm the classic overthinker. you know paralysis by analysis? (like dawson in dawsons creek).
crap, dawsons creek reference at 4am. definitely, time to try to get some more sleep.
when i first had a website it was when the internet was (relatively) new. this was around '97 and who had really had a website? now its different. EVERYONE has a web presence, whether its twitter, myspace, facebook, etc.
with the advent of microblogging (you know, 140 characters or less), there just isn't room for traditional blogs anymore. or is there? i don't know where burgs.net fits in the grand scheme of the internet anymore. in this a.d.d. society with reality tv, etc i don't think anyone wants anything more than just a status update, a tweet or a text message. i won't even go into what ever happened to "snail mail" or actually mailed letters.
i think like anything else, my website has to reinvent itself. sometimes forced change isnt such a bad thing, it forces us to evolve even if we didn't think we needed it. but maybe it did (i'm talking about my website of course.)
on november 3rd, 2006, i blogged about my goals at the time for the next 15 years. lets revisit where i am at and see if there is any tweaking necessary:
sports
1) qualify for the boston marathon: this is huge for me. i don't think you understand. i've done the math. the last 5 years, i've ran about 30-35 miles a week. thats 7800-9100 total miles. thats alot. anyways if (or when) i ever accomplish this, i think i'll break down into tears b/c its something that deep down inside, i'm not sure if i'm not physically capable of qualifying. which makes me want it even more.
2) hike up to the summit of mt whitney: last years trip was pretty dissapointing. i want to get to the top. i hate losing.
travel
1) ny. i know its retarded, but i've never been.
2) japan. video games, toys, sushi, crazy fetishes. oh wait.
3) bali. i think i saw wild on: bali once and i was sold.
work
1) reach upper middle management: as i've spoken to my friends before, middle management is the best. you have people under you, you get paid a decent amount, but if shit really hits the fan, you have a boss that takes the heat. and you don't have to worry about stressing and bringing work home. thats living the life.
2) open my own business: i know this seems contradictory, but if i was stressing over something that i owned and profited from it would be worth it. who knows, maybe this means burgs.net being a profitable online business. maybe it means opening up a diner or a bar. or even a taco truck.
personal/family
1) go back to school. this might be for a masters, or it might just mean community college classes at night. i just want to keep learning. but this isn't as easy as it sounds. i think i have a phobia of school. i seriously have had many nightmares about being a student, showing up to a final and realizing that i don't know anything. they are pretty traumatic. i know its just in my head but still, its there.
2) get married. thank goodness this is called the next 15 and not the next 1.
3) have kids. see above.
if i've learned anything during this year, its this:
sometimes expectations ≠ reality. and sometimes, thats ok.
"It may seem as if the solution to your current problem is hidden in your past, but it might not be so simple to recover the key memories you are seeking. You would like to have the time to reminisce, but duty calls in the present moment, pulling you away from your reverie. There's no need to dwell on your disappointment now, for the missing information is more likely to resurface once you let go of your attachment to finding it. "
"You may dip back into your past to find inspiration for what's happening now. But your nostalgia could grow on you, encouraging you to extend your visit down Memory Lane. Fortunately, your current responsibilities will continue to create pressure, forcing you back to the present moment. As long as you meet your obligations, you will be free to time travel within your mind."
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