motivation

i read something that lance armstrong recently "tweeted": "Lost like a recent college grad.".

so it gave me an idea for a topic...i totally remember being very lost when i graduated from undergrad. trying to pinpoint it, i think i realize the source: what was my motivation?

see growing up i didn't aspire to be cool (which i definitely wasn't) or have a lot of money or anything like that. i seriously wanted to make my parents proud. that was my motivation. i don't know if its wrong or not but i just wanted them to be proud of me. whether it was school or basketball or work.

but when i graduated from college, then what? who was i doing this for? my folks? they were happy i graduated from college but that was kinda the end of the road for them. it was like, cool we're glad you made it this far, now its on you.

so after some time i got to thinking and realized: wow time to do stuff FOR ME.

i mean this isn't how i'm wired. when i play basketball, i like to pass. in my frat, i did community service. i seriously enjoy making other people happy, and don't really do things FOR ME. making other people happy makes me happy.

fast forward a few years to where i am now. now i feel like i'm having alot of those feelings of loss of motivation. who am i doing this for? what am i doing this for? for myself?

i guess another reason i'm writing this is my grad school graduation is coming up and my mom asked me who i'm inviting. i told her just her, dad, and my bro.

what motivates you? what makes you want to wake up every morning, face the world, go to work, and then repeat that whole cycle day after day after day?

its tough sometimes isnt it? this just isn't me right? i'm not taking crazy pills right?